LA runs so much deeper than the HOLLYWOOD sign in the roving hillsides or the tours of the houses of the rich and the famous. The beautiful white sandy Venice beaches, swarming with muscular men, covered head to toe in factor zero olive oil accompanied by what can only be described as groomed goddesses, strutting and swaggering proudly with their faces as tight as my step-father’s wallet. These women are getting away with wearing high-waisted Samantha Fox 80’s style thongs and still holding onto that perky twenty five year old’s firm, tanned arse at the tender age of 40 so BRAVO LADIES! You are my inspiration and god-bless the squat.
Or, for the more small minded of our British townsfolk who believe drive by shootings are as much an occurrence as our cousin Tracy’s daily visit to the local Co-Operative for her blue bottle full-fat milk.
Los Angeles is booming; full of rockers, musicians, film makers, writers & artists. It has produced some of the most beautiful, creative and talented human beings this planet should be so very proud of. Marilyn Monroe, Beck &The Doors are all the product of LA for the love of God! Even Mr Disney himself …the list is endless. My husband and my soul mate is one of these very unique human beings himself. I guess this is as good a place as any to begin my story.
My husband Steve Forrest has spent 8 great years living in the UK eventually winding up in the wonderful town of Brighton. As a professional drummer for the British rock band Placebo he has certainly paid his fair share of taxes in the UK. Which is why we are so outraged at what has taken place. Despite paying his 40% tax bracket for the whole of these 8 years the disgraceful nature of what the UK has now declared their IMMIGRATION LAW has forced us to re-locate to the fast paced, bright lights and creative urban community of LOS ANGELES. Thank you Tories. I salute you. The twinges of excitement rushing through my veins and my blood right now, which make my body quiver with adrenaline cannot be explained in words! I can feel my heart pumping and my soul telling me that our future and destiny lies within this diverse wonderful, city of culture.
I have been approached by the so very wonderful Alex Hooper-Hodson to BLOG my experiences weekly with BEAUTY & RUIN as I take my next adventure and new chapter in my life from the bright town of Brighton to the city of angels LA. And, I would love to take you all on my journey.
Right, here’s just little bit about myself to ease you ladies and gentlemen in gently. I have had and do have a very fun, entertaining, fulfilled life. I was plucked from obscurity as a lanky, North Yorkshire, big toothed, geeky, shy teenager with an over-bite as big as a horse and big lips. At 16 I became a professional fashion model with the biggest model agency in the world, Storm models. With these so called features being the bane of my life at school they ended up being my ticket into a world of travel, madness and fulfilment. After winning a country-wide competition at such a young age I packed my bags, left college and moved to the big bright lights of London. Now, I am not going to tell you it was all easy and I have had to live some very hard, painful and disturbing times as a young girl in such a corrupt environment and such a big city, but it has made me the strong, independent woman I am today. As my blogs go on, more stories of my endeavours shall be leaked, and hopefully as entertaining as most of them are I do hope they can also be helpful for young women and men out there. Hopefully I can be a shoulder to cry on for anyone experiencing heartache in any which way or form; to be a guiding angel for you talk too and confide in. It is for me to remember and tell the tale, good and bad and also be a listener and someone who understands many of life’s ups, downs, traumas and tragedies. Nothing in life is ever too big, or ever too small.
I’ve been a burlesque performer, screen writer, TV personality, TV presenter, erotic artist and even had a dab hand spanking and enjoying being a dominatrix. You know why? Because I could and it was fun to do and I had no one to answer to but myself.
Currently I am now classed as an alternative model. I still work and love that my art can be accepted by the modelling world. Trust me when I say IT DIDN’T when I was younger as my agent so kindly put it when I showed her my first big piece; a large dragon down my left side. “UGH all I can see is money just walking out that door, you’ll lose your campaigns. IT’S DISGUSTING”, she exclaimed.
As, time goes on you’ll understand why at the point I didn’t care. I needed to be my own person, an individual – not another robot in the world of fashion. And, really she should have taken a long hard look in the mirror every morning before judging another person. I still do my burlesque, but class myself as a more erotic, theatrical artist who likes to incorporate props and have storylines within the striptease. My personal favourite, the use of wax, fetishes, fire and now my new love: THE BED OF NAILS. I also have screen writing experience under my belt after studying at the prestigious London Film Academy. I intend to present my horror scripts and pitch them to LA agents when I get out there and hopefully continue my writing. This time it will be in the sunshine, with a margarita, a new positive outlook and surroundings.
I know LA will welcome me and my artistic, creative weirdness with open arms and let it explode and blossom into what will be the beginning of a new crazy life and a new start with my husband and my two boys. Now, before you think we have kiddies, these are dogs; Mr White and Mister Stooderbaker who might as well be our children.
Any dog lovers out there reading this know exactly what I am talking about. They have more hoodies than me and way more bed space. Mr White is a beautiful white, rambunctious, bouncy boxer who right now is laying on top of me snoring away like my father used to after too many pints of bitter on a Friday night, whilst Mister Stooderbaker is our cheeky, lovable rogue of a sausage dog who likes to eat everything, including brand new leather sofas and gussets of panties. Male or Female, he has no preference, he isn’t a fussy eater. For all you guys out there who are thinking ‘STOODERBAKER’. Why on earth would you do this to such a cute little creature? Shouting to him in the park is always an interesting part of my daily routine, and cute is definitely one of the nicer names he’s been called recently.
A stooderbaker is an American car which to the British is the equivalent of an old school Skoda. And, yes, Auntie Mandy if you are reading this I still remember that day you kept stalling that artichoke/ decaying avocado coloured green Skoda when i was a vulnerable 13 year old teenager right outside the school gates in front of a group of the older, hotter, prefect boys. Do not tell me that was a coincidence. I can still see you smiling and hear you laughing at me as I slipped down to hide below the seat. To get my own back I will mention it was full of the greasy Hull Times newspaper covered in chips and scraps of scraps. (For those who do not know what scraps are I’ll explain. They are a Northern delicacy which consists of a bag of all the small bits of batter from the fish you douse in white wine vinegar and sprinkle un- delicately over your fish and chips. They’re amazing, but, not when they’re all over your school uniform!)
Anyway, I’ve been going off the beaten track. Mister Stooderbaker looks wonderful but runs terribly but with my husband being from Turlock, California it made him feel like a piece of California was with him in Brighton. (Even though Stoody (for short) is actually a Geordie and from Gateshead near Newcastle. Aye aye man, he’s more bleeding Northern then me.)
I am leaving for America in three weeks’ time to eventually be in the arms and on the lips of the man I love and have loved since I set eyes upon him at a friend’s comedy night at the Paradise club in Kensal Rise London over 4 years ago. The moment we met was like the ZING, it hit us like when Tony caught sight of Maria in West Side Story (sadly without the dancing and clicking of fingers!) The United Kingdom, in which I am a British born citizen, cruelly snatched away my husband from me 4 weeks ago, telling him after setting up a life in the UK, being married, having pets, about to start IVF and have a family he had 28 days to pack his entire life in two suitcases or face six months imprisonment, a £5,000 fine and a 10 year ban into the UK.
This is why I must now abruptly leave, as I cannot bare another day apart from my best friend and soul mate. In the States, especially in the’ City Of Angels’, I know they would never separate a spouse from their partner. NEVER!!! Surely this should be the case everywhere.
So, I now I’ll leave you till next time, you wonderful British guys and gals out there with nothing but love, warmth, peace and a big part of my British heart. I shall take the Sunday roast with me for my future family and I hope that you will follow me on my new life and adventures to one of the greatest countries in the world and continue to love one and other and unite to bring back Britain as the great country it truly is deep down. Men and women fought and died for this Great Britain, this Great United Kingdom this Great Nation. Stick together and love one and other.
Written by: Xarah Xavier
Edited by: Alex Hooper-Hodson
Photo credit: Simon Clemenger of Hey Girl Magazine
Read Part Two: Xarah Xavier: Comin’ Home